Goodbye Boo-Boo Bear
by marehami
Summary: When Lori's whole world shatters it's up to her large family to help her through it. One advantage of having such a big family is that many hands can pick up the many shattered pieces.
1. What Could Be Wrong?

"Twenty-Eight hours, thirteen minutes and fifty five…. fifty six, fifty seven minutes…." Lori mumbled as she paced her and Leni's bedroom floor. Her siblings had gathered ceremoniously to watch one of their big sister's famous meltdowns.

As Lori paced she was simultaneously pulling at her hair and becoming more and more hysterical.

"Ya know, normally Lori's meltdowns fill me with more joy than this," Lucy lamented in her typical monotone.

"Yeah, she's gone nuttier than a box of cashews," Luan joked.

"She's so stressed and sad," Leni commented.

"You know how she gets about her scheduled phone calls with Bobby….if he doesn't call soon she's gonna keep us up all night with her fit and I need my beauty sleep!" Lola complained.

Lincoln looked at his sister for a moment, before turning his face towards the imaginary fourth-wall camera.

"You've been with us long enough by now to know that in a family this big there's always some drama going on. It normally means entertainment for the rest of us. You also know that one of Lori's favorite things is talking to, about, with, next to, over the phone with, basically anything having to do with Bobby. Meltdowns like these are not uncommon, just last week she had one because Bobby ended their conversation with I love you to heaven and back, instead of infinity and back like he normally does. This time feels….different though, it's like he disappeared off the face of the earth. It's been over a day since he called, texted, or sent a singing telegram and Lori is (Lori wails)…..not taking it well."

"Maybe Bobby's committed some crime and gone off the grid!" Lynn suggested.

This only made Lori cry more.

"Hey, if he did that means we can bust him out!" Lana offered.

"Nah, Bobby's a good guy! He would never fight the law and let the law win," Luna protested.

"M-Maybe it's me! Maybe, I-I drove him away from me! Maybe I call too much or my voice is too annoying, or like I say like and literally literally too much!"

"While your self diagnosis of your more irritating personality traits is accurate, you are failing to consider that you and Bobby have courted for an excessive amount of time and that if he found these traits annoying he would have left you long ago," Lisa stated.

"What if he's in danger? What if he's hurt? Or has a hangnail? Or like worst of all….a zit!"

Leni shirked in terror, "DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT LOR!"

Lincoln put a supportive hand on Lori's back, "I'm sure he's just busy right now Lori. You've been saying yourself that senior year is more stressful than what people think."

"I always thought you didn't do much work because you were so old," Leni commented.

"Seventeen and Eighteen are hardly considered geriatric ages," Lisa said with an eye

Roll.

"Yeah, but like people get wrinkles by their thirties so it's basically a mid-life crisis!" Leni argued.

"It's a crisis alright….you sit in class and have to ask permission to pee, but yet you have to go make all these decisions about the rest of your life; where to go to college, what to major in, what and who you are meant to become. It's like way stressful!" Lori explained.

"But there's lots of fun stuff too! Pretty prom dresses, senior picture dresses, graduation dresses!" Lola said dreamily.

"Those dresses symbolize something Lola, they symbolize growing up….leaving the nest."

Suddenly a wave of sadness rolled over the siblings faces. They knew that the end of this year would symbolize something for all of them. It would be the first one of the kids to leave for college. They knew how excited Lori was to be starting a new chapter and were thrilled for her, but a family this big doesn't make goodbyes any easier.

Little did they know that was a lesson they were about to learn the hard way.

 _RING-RING_

Their heads collectively snapped up as they checked their own cell phones to make sure they were hearing right. The sound of a landline phone was unusual in this day and age, if their dad wasn't such a packrat they might have gotten rid of it years ago.

"Maybe it's a sale on plumbing supplies!" Lana said excitedly rushing downstairs.

Out of pure curiousity the others followed.

"What? How?" they heard their father state. He sounded shell-shocked.

Lola, Lisa, and Lana, who had quickly realized this wasn't about plumbing, subtly clung to Leni, who was holding Lily in her arms, Their daddy was such a goofball it unusual to hear him sound not only sad…..but also scared.

"Do-do they know why?" he whispered.

"A note?" he said.

 _What was going on?_

"I-I'm so sorry….please….let me know if there's anything we can do…. _anything_ ….we'll take care of her…..alright goodbye."

Mr. Loud took a shaky breath before turning to face his beautiful children, who instantly erupted into a mob of questioning and sound.

He was still too shocked to make words.

Luan's voice cut through first, "gee pops, who died?"

Little did she know the pain of her ironic statement.

Their dad's eyes misted as he looked directly into the eyes of his first-born daughter, "Bobby."


	2. Lost Innocence

The Loud House went silent.

One might have expected Lori to wail dramatically, but what happened instead was even more heartbreaking.

She couldn't carry her own body weight as she collapsed to the floor. It wasn't a playful faint like one she might pull from embarrassment after one of Luan's pranks or anger or even teenage drama. The life literally went out of her.

Lynn Sr. went over and collected his daughter into his arms and held her close. He had no words.

Lincoln was the first one to speak, "H-how….?"

He looked into the eyes of his only son, who was already such a man, but who was about to lose whatever was left of his innocence.

"Suicide….He jumped from the bridge into the icy waters," he whispered.

Suddenly Lori released an _animalistic_ wail. It sent shivers up the spines of all of them. Poor Lily was too afraid to cry so she whimpered.

Leni then took charge for the sake of her sister, "we need to get ready for bed guys."

They somberly headed up the stairs. When they were gone Lynn Sr. took Lori and picked her up, something that he hadn't done in years. Despite being numb, Lori was surprised how good it felt to be babied. In a family so big she had to grow up pretty fast and give up being treated like a baby very early on. She was a very sensible and responsible girl because of this, despite being a typical teenager. She was the third nurturer of the family, so it felt good to be nurtured for a change.

When her father laid her on her bed Lori was shocked when he lay beside her, something he hadn't done for her since she was three.

She didn't have the stamina to think about that now, all that was flowing through her mind was her Bobby.

Bobby had killed himself.

Bobby was dead.

Bobby was never coming back.

And he had _chosen_ it.

Lori only had one question, and she knew that it was one that had no answer.

"Why? W-why daddy? Why?" she whispered pleading for daddy to give her an answer, _any answer_.

What her father responded with only stung more, "I'm sorry baby….I'm sorry….I'm so very very sorry."

Lori knew that not only did that mean her daddy didn't have an answer, but that he never would.

She sobbed into his sweater and each tear felt like a hot coal to his chest. He and his wife were busy people…..sometimes _too busy, too focused on themselves, too distracted by the chaos of their lives_. But first and foremost they were parents, it was the best thing they had ever done with their lives and ever would, and both of them would do anything to protect their kids. Lori especially had a special place in their hearts that wasn't often discussed. In a family this big, she was first. The very first baby, the start of what would become their legacy.

He remembered the night she had been born. He was always a bit prone to anxiety, but that night he nearly had a heart attack he was so nervous, gathering all this baby stuff into his arms as he helped his wife into Van-zilla. It was a cold and snowy night and the van wouldn't start so Lynn had removed all his winter gear and wrapped his wife's tummy up to keep the baby warm until they could get a cab. They had barely arrived in time, and when they did both Rita and Lynn were amazed. In one moment life was no longer all about them, and never would be again.

He had held her in his arms and promised that he would protect her and that he would never let anyone or anything hurt her, as most parents do.

Of course she had gotten hurt…when they had hidden Fenton, when she had fallen off her trike, or when she hadn't been accepted to the soccer team, but each of those pains were temporary. They could be fixed with an ice cream cone, or a hug, or a kiss and a Band-Aid.

Nothing would fix this.

He just continued holding her as she wailed.

Meanwhile her siblings were in their own state of shock. The kids old enough to comprehend suicide were left questioning why, like Lori, but the ones too young were almost too heartbreaking.

"Leni….what's suicide?" Lola and Lana asked with their big eyes as Leni lay Lily into her crib.

"Suicide is the voluntary cause of death, preformed in a wide variety of ways including overdosing on drugs, shooting ones self, getting run over or in Bobby's case-"

"That's enough Lisa!" demanded Lucy to the surprised of everyone. Lucy normally loved the morbid, but this time was different. Her sisters' innocence was at stake, and this wasn't some novel or work of fiction….it was real.

"C'mon guys, I'll read you the bedtime story about the princess who drives monster trucks."

"By that she means she'll look at the pictures and make something up!" Lola joked in a desperate attempt to make her twin sister smile. Lana looked like she was on the verge of a mental breakdown, and it was a very scary thing for both of them.

Leni put a comforting hand on each shoulder and kissed Lily and Lisa goodnight before turning on Lisa's Edison nightlight and leaving.

Lincoln lay staring up at his ceiling as he tried to listen to the sounds of his house. Normally, he would fall asleep to all sorts of chaotic sounds which soothed him right to sleep.

Tonight, however, it was quiet enough for him to hear his own thoughts….which was scary for him on a night like tonight.

He could hear Luna playing a soft requiem on her violin and the sobs coming from Lori's room, but that was it.

After awhile he heard his mother come in. She had been away at a dental convention, but had rushed home as soon as she heard the news. He heard her comforting Lori for a minute but then was surprised when he heard her come into each daughter's room and speak to each child one-on-one. She said things like how much she loved them and what about them she admired and how strong they were being for their sister and how even if her and their dad stayed busy with Lori for a few days that they still loved them very much.

Lincoln already figured and wanted his parents to focus on Lori now.

Finally he heard the door to his room creak open.

"Hi hon,' Rita whispered.

"Hi mom," Lincoln whispered, trying not to cry.

"You alright?" she asked as she stroked back his white hair from his face.

"Is Lori alright?" he asked with zero regard for himself.

Rita gave a small smile at her selfless son, but she couldn't lie to him.

"No….but hopefully one day…." She wished more than anything she could say with certainty that one day Lori would go back to "normal" but the reality was they had to find a new normal now.

"I'll still love her even if she's never ok again," Lincoln whispered as he drifted off to sleep, too miserable and concerned to have the energy to stay awake.

His mom tucked a blanket around him and kissed his forehead.

"We all will."


	3. Denial

"ALRIGHT TROOPS, UP AND AT EM! TIME FOR SCHOOL AND IF EVERYONE ISN'T IN VAN-ZILLA AT 7:30 I AM LEAVING YOU!" Lori's voice boomed throughout the house, leaving everyone shocked.

Lynn Sr. was so startled that he fell right out of Lori's bed. He had remained by her side throughout the entire night.

"Sweet pea, you don't have to-"

"Of course I do, it's a school day," Lori stated plainly as she began getting dressed for the day as if absolutely nothing had happened.

Everyone was too surprised to say anything to her as she marched through the house like a woman on a mission.

"I-I don't understand, why is she doing this?" Lana asked confused.

"She's in denial, it's the first stage in the famous five stages of grief," Lisa explained.

"I thought we lived in Michigan, not in denial?" Leni asked confused.

" _DENIAL_ Leni, it means she has psychologically convinced herself that Bobby is no longer deceased, depending on the severity of the situation, she may have even convinced herself Bobby never existed."

"Maybe all she needs is a little love," Luna suggested as she grabbed her acoustic guitar and prepared to strum her sister a tune.

"This one goes out to the best big sister in the wo-" Luna started before she was cut off.

"Not now Luna, get downstairs now!" she demanded, though no more severely than usual.

"Looks like you were way off base there sis!" Luan forcibly joked.

"I just wish we could help her!" Lola lamented.

"I think the best way for us to help her is to do what she says," Lincoln said plainly.

No one felt like arguing so they silently got ready for a school day no one wanted to face.

Downstairs Lori was pouring herself a cup of coffee, all the while humming a distracting tune.

Lynn Sr. and Rita looked sadly at each other. Lori had inherited her deep love and passion for romance from both of them, and they knew better than anyone in the family how powerful and sometimes-tragic love could be.

"Why don't you sit down for a minute honey?" Rita offered.

"No time mother, I'm waiting for _SOME PEOPLE_ to get downstairs so we can get to school and further our education."  
"Don't worry about that today pumpkin, I can get the kids to school, why don't you stay home and relax?" Lynn said.

"Yeah sweetie, I'll stay home too! We can have a mom and Lori day!" Rita added.

"Why would I want to do that?" Lori asked as she began to anxiously stir the spoon in her coffee cup.

Lynn and Rita looked at each other, unsure of how to respond.

"You had a pretty rough night there kiddo," Lynn whispered.

"Yeah, but I'm ok now!" Lori asserted, sounding as far from ok as a person could be.

"Honey, it's alright that this is hard for you but he's-"

"I gotta get to school! I AM LEAVING NOW!" She shouted up the stairs as the kids loyally prepared to head out with her orderly.

"Actually ummm….Van-zilla was making some strange noises last night, so I'll still drive. Wouldn't want you to have to push her up those hills," Lynn Sr. said as he herded the kids together while giving his wife a look that said she needed to stay home today just in case.

Lincoln stood still with no intention of going to school; he had another mission in mind.

"Let's go Lincoln!" Lori said through gritted teeth, as if she understood why her brother was staying behind.

"No, you and I both know that I have something I gotta do today," he said plainly. He gave his sister a look that said that he knew that she knew what he was doing.

"LINCOLN I SWEAR TO-"

"Alright, alright, let's go sweetheart," Lynn Sr. said as he pushed his daughter away before there was a brawl/breakdown.

When he was gone he turned to look at his mom, "I need you to drive me into the city."

Rita looked sadly at her son, "I'm sorry hon, but I need to stay here in care Lori needs me."

Lincoln took a deep breath, "I'll take the bus then."

"Honey I think you're a little young to take the bus that far by yourself."

"I _have_ to see her."

Rita sighed, at so young Lincoln was already showing that he was fiercely loyal to causes and people he loved and believed in. It was one of her favorite qualities about his father and she was proud to see it being passed down.

She simply nodded.


	4. Something I Gotta Do

The drive to Great Lakes City was a quiet one. Lincoln sat in the back of the bus half-listening to an Ace Savvy podcast, but mainly thinking about what he would say to Ronnie Anne when he arrived.

From the start Ronnie Anne had been a bit of a "mystery" and to this day it was unknown just how much she liked him. He knew that he liked her a lot, but he also didn't like living in fear of getting punched. Clyde had once told him about how his therapist said that true love doesn't hit, but Lincoln had no idea if it was "true love", heck he hardly comprehended love at all. He may not understand romantic love, but he knew about loyalty, and friendship, and about family. He knew that come heck or high water that Ronnie Anne needed a loyal friend desperately right now.

When the bus stopped in front of the Santiago apartment Lincoln was heartbroken to see a wreath of flowers symbolizing mourning on their door. This was the moment that it hit the boy that this nightmare was reality. It broke his heart further to know that Lori was miles away both physically and mentally from this realization.

He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He was greeted by a dramatically wailing abuelita who instantly engulfed him in a bone-crushing embrace. Lincoln weakly tried to reciprocate.

She stood in the doorway holding him for what felt like an eternity when Lincoln caught sight of Ronnie Anne, who looked….totally broken. For someone so strong it terrified him to see her looking so….helpless.

As soon as she saw him she looked behind him frantically, as if expected Lori as well before bolting into her room and slamming the door.

"Ronnie Anne….Mija come back!" her mother cried. She looked destroyed too, but like she was fighting to be strong for her surviving child.

"I'M NOT TALKING TO ANYONE!" Ronnie Anne cried.

"Mija I miss him too….but….we need each other now!" she cried as her sister came over to comfort her.

She looked up and noticed Lincoln and soon the rest of the Santiago's had the poor boy in their group embrace.

"Is-is Lori with you?" Mrs. Santiago asked quietly.

Lincoln shook his head sadly.

"How is she holding up?" she asked. She had grown to love Lori like a daughter and was concerned about her as if she was already family.

Lincoln didn't know how to respond to the woman, who clearly already had enough on her plate.

"She has lots of support."

"Tia….Tia are you sure Bobby isn't coming back? Even for Christmas and my Birthday?" Carlos asked innocently.

The woman responded by sobbing and holding the boy.

Lincoln took the opportunity to sneak away to try to talk to Ronnie Anne.

"Ronnie Anne? C'mon Ronnie Anne…..please let me in….you can hit me as hard as you want."

"I don't ever want to talk to you loser! Or your loser family or any other loser ever again!"

"Ronnie….you think everyone's a loser…." Lincoln leveled with her.

"Then I guess I just won't ever talk to anyone again! All my big mouth does is ruin lives! It ruins lives and…..sometimes ends them…." She whispered as she sobbed harder.

"Ronnie, this wasn't your fault," Lincoln said. He knew she wouldn't believe him right away but he would try for eternity if need be until she did believe it.

To his surprise she opened the door and grabbed his shirt to pull him into her tiny bedroom. There were tissues all over the floor and some of the furniture looked like it had literally been scratched and torn. It was clear Ronnie had suffered a complete meltdown, and if her family interaction was any indication she had gone through it all-alone.

"I need to tell you something, but you gotta swear you never breathe a word to Lori," she started.

Lincoln hated keeping things from his family, but thinking this was the best way to help his friend, he nodded regardless.

"It really is all my fault that Bobby's dead," she said burying her face in her knees and crying like a scared little girl as opposed to the rough and tough girl Lincoln adored.

"No it is-"

"IT IS LINCOLN! IT TOTALLY IS! A FEW NIGHTS BEFORE HE-HE JUMPED…..HE WAS STRESSING ABOUT HIS ACT SCORES AND GETTING INTO COLLEGE! GRANDDAD SAID HE COULD JUST OWN THE BODAGA AND I OPENED MY MOUTH AND SAID IT WOULD NEVER BE ENOUGH TO SUPPORT LORI AND HAVE A BIG FAMILY WITH HER! I KNEW HOW MUCH HE WANTED TO MARRY LORI AND START A BIG FAMILY AND I MADE HIM FEEL LIKE A LOSER AND NOW….NOW HE'S GONE AND NOT COMING BACK AND I-I WON'T EVER GET TO TELL HIM HOW SORRY I AM! AND WHEN EVERYONE FINDS OUT NO ONE WILL LOVE ME ANYMORE AND I WON'T HAVE A FAMILY EITHER! AND I ALREADY KNOW YOU HATE ME SO I….SO I WON'T EVEN HAVE YOU!" She wailed, though she kept the words muffled enough to keep her dirty secret from her family for a little longer.

Lincoln had no words. It caused him to re-evaluate _everything;_ how he saw Bobby as an individual, how he saw Ronnie Anne, and how he saw Bobby's relationship with his sister that was so often the subject of playful family mocking.

It hadn't all set in, but he knew that right now there was one thing Ronnie Anne had to hear from him.

"It's not your fault, it's not your fault, even if it were, which it's not, he would forgive you. He loved you, your family loves you….my family loves you…..I love you Ronnie Anne and nothing you can do will ever change that ever."

She sobbed into his chest as he rubbed her back and kept repeating it over and over again.

"It's not your fault, not your fault, never will be your fault, it's not your fault Ronnie…."


	5. Emotion Management

When Lori entered the school with her sisters trailing nervously behind her all eyes snapped in her direction.

 _What's she doing here?_

 _Why isn't she home mourning?_

 _She doesn't even look like she's been crying?_

These were some of the mumblings that Lori heard as she walked straight ahead with her head held high and avoiding eye contact with anyone and everyone.

Her sisters tried to keep up with her to build a wall of support around her. They didn't understand exactly what was going on with their big sister, but they did know that they wanted to protect her like she always protected them.

They were in different classes however, so they eventually had to part ways.

"Remember sis, just call my name and I'll be there and be somebody to lean on," Luna said quietly as she slowly walked towards her first period band class.

The others gave her affectionate taps on the shoulder and loving looks before parting ways.

When Lori entered first period, everyone glared at her as she took her seat (even her teacher).

She tried not to let it deter her. She _wanted_ to be here, if she was here, she could continue pretending that it wasn't real. This was one time she was thankful that Bobby had moved away. He wasn't a student here anymore, so she felt safe avoiding the situation here.

Or so she thought.

First period went off without much fanfare. Lori remained overly attentive, actively trying to get called on, and trying to get lost in the subject….even if it was stupid trigonometry.

When class ended she bolted from her desk and out to her next class before anyone could talk to her. Even as she heard her gal pals calling out for her, she blocked them out. She knew what they wanted to talk about and she couldn't bear it.

She was so lost in her focus to get away as quickly as possible that she accidentally ran into some lockers.

Not just any lockers though.

 _Bobby's old locker._

Lori was dismayed to find that there was a small batch of flowers attached to it.

"Oh Lori-" Carol Pingrey said as she placed a rose on the locker.

"What is this?" Lori asked through gritted teeth. She was furious, but she wasn't about to cry. Not now, not in front of Carol and everyone.

"It was my idea Lori, some of the other Seniors and I thought that it would be nice to make a little memorial to bo-"

"This isn't his locker anymore Carol….he doesn't live in Royal Woods anymore," Lori's voice began to crack. _Bobby didn't live anywhere anymore._

"I know Lori, but he was part of our class and we wanted to reme-"

"This locker doesn't belong to him Carol….it belongs to…" Lori looked over to find the young boy who had gotten Bobby's locker after he moved. Lori had spent a lot of time dramatically crying in front of the locker after Bobby had moved away, but she had never even bothered learning the name of the boy.

"You! Wha-what's your name?" Lori asked, desperate to keep her composure.

"Abel…Abel Chambers," the boy said nervously.

"That's right! It belongs to my good friend Abel!" Lori said as she put her arm around the random boy.

"I told them it was okay Lori….it's ok to miss him," Abel said. He didn't know Lori very well, but it was impossible to deny her love and devotion to Bobby.

"Why would I miss him? He clearly wouldn't miss me…why else….why else would he _choose to leave me!?_ I-I'M GLAD HE'S GONE! I HATE HIM!" Lori yelled as she dashed down the hall. She had no idea where she was going, but she had to run. She had to get away from this hell.


	6. Why?

Eventually Ronnie Anne fell asleep leaning against Lincoln's body. The boy gently tucked her into bed…he figured she hadn't gotten any sleep these past few days and whether she wanted it or not her body needed rest.

He spent the rest of the day being swapped out into various sets of arms like a comfort teddy bear. Being from a big family he was used to being needed by many different people at once, though never in a situation this serious.

Throughout the day he began collecting pieces of Bobby Santiago's life and what led him to such a tragic end.

"I shouldn't have just moved my children without their consent like this," his mother lamented.

"It was so much for Bobby to take in. The new school, new city, all his new family members…plus the added stress of his senior year. I should have known it was too much for him to take…I just stayed so busy…I thought that having a big family around would help him have a stronger support system, but he…he never could find his place after moving here."

"What do you mean?" Lincoln inquired. "Bobby always seemed so laid back to me, like he could fit in anywhere."

His mother's lip began to quiver, "since his father left Bobby had always taken pride on being the "man of the house" it was why he worked so many different jobs…he loved feeling like he was vital to our family," his mother had to pause and cry into her hands for a few minutes more.

"When we moved here, suddenly he stopped feeling vital. There were other people to lighten his load and somewhere along the line he just got lost in the mix…even at school he had a lot of trouble making friends his age. It's easy for someone like Ronnie Anne…kids your age are making new friends all the time, but Bobby was a senior in high school. All the other kids his age have a strong group of friends and they are already preparing to say goodbye to them at the end of the year…they don't want some new kid coming and mixing things up more."

"I would invite him to chill with my friends every now and again, but every time he went he always felt like a third wheel," Carlotta further explained.

"But-but he talked to Lori every day…her world revolved around him. She was a source of constant support!" Lincoln said. He was beginning to feel anger towards Bobby for hurting his sister in such a large way. No matter how much he suffered it wasn't fair that now his loved ones have to pick up the pieces.

Mrs. Santiago seemed to sense this and sat Lincoln down on the couch, "Being Seventeen is a complicated thing Lincoln, you feel so ready to grow up, but you are still just a kid. There are some things kids just can't comprehend…I firmly believe that when Bobby…jumped," her voice caught.

"When Bobby jumped it probably didn't sink in that it was _permanent_ …That he can't just magically come back when he feels better," she starting sobbing again.

Lincoln and Carlotta went and sat at her side to comfort her, and she engulfed both of them in tight embraces. She gave Carlotta a meaningful glance, as if to say she better not ever consider putting her family through so much pain.

The poor girl could only nod.

"I just don't know how to go about helping Lori…I've never lost anyone before," Lincoln whispered.

Mrs. Santiago gave him a watery smile, "just be there for her Lincoln, let her know we are here for her too…you are all like family to us."

Lincoln smiled and took her hand, "I guess I have an even bigger family than I thought."

She hugged him tight and Abuelita packed him a bag full of enough food for the bus ride back and for everyone in his family.

"Will you promise to take care of Ronnie Anne?" Lincoln whispered before leaving.

The entire Santiago clan nodded.

"And let her know I'm here for her…always," Lincoln added.

Some of the female family members gave small romantic smiles but they all nodded.

With this reassurance Lincoln forced his body to turn and leave the Santiago place.

All the way home he went back and forth thinking about how much to reveal to Lori. He wouldn't be breaking his promise to Ronnie Anne of course, but Lori needed some form of closure. She needed to try to understand Bobby's mindset in order to start healing, but she also had to acknowledge her own heavy emotions.

Lincoln stared out the window and watched the raindrops race down the window. When he was a kid he and his sisters used to have raindrop races where they each bet on a different raindrop to win the race down the window. It was little memories like that which provided Lincoln peace when his world got too chaotic and heavy.

He wasn't particularly religious but as Royal Woods got closer and closer he found himself speaking to Bobby in a way that was a weird combination of confrontation and prayer.

 _Hey man, I'm sorry that you were suffering, but it totally isn't cool what you did to my sister._

 _She loved you._

 _Your mom loved you._

 _Ronnie Anne loved you._

 _So many people loved you Bobby._

 _Now everyone has to go the rest of their lives without you._

 _The rest of their lives wondering why you aren't there._

 _The rest of their lives wondering if they could have done to stop this._

 _I'm just a kid and now I've got to help my big sister through this…_

 _You didn't even say goodbye!_

 _Not to her, or Ronnie Anne, or your mom….or me!_

 _You knew that I saw you as a role model!_

 _I don't think I see things that way anymore Bobby…_

 _No matter how bad things got I would never abandon the people who needed me._

 _I want to hate you for all of this._

 _But I don't…I want to hate you because maybe it will make me forget how miserable I am._

 _How much I will miss you._


	7. Don't Wanna Talk About It

When Lincoln came home the Loud house was still quiet…far too quiet.

He came home to find his dad and sisters sitting huddled on the couch.

"Lincey!" Lola and Lana cried as they embraced their big brother. For as tough and hard-core as each twin could be, they were six years old, far too young to be witnessing this.

"Where's Lori? I gotta talk to her…" Lincoln started.

His father pointed in the direction of her bedroom, "now may not be a good time champ," he advised.

"Lori is currently experiencing a combination of anger and denial. She has been upstairs all afternoon packing up all her belongings that provide any memories of Bobby. When mother attempted to communicate with her she insisted that she is not in need of any familial support during this time," Lisa explained.

"We're still her family though," Leni whispered poignantly.

"Preach it, sister," Luna encouraged.

"I still say the best way we can support her is to give her space…I know I never love any of you more than when you back off," Lucy stated.

Poor Lily looked up the stairs and reached her little arms upward like she was pleading for Lori to come down and take care of her and for things to go back to normal, even though something inside her knew that things will never be normal again.

Lincoln was about to go upstairs to try his best to talk to her when suddenly there was a knock at the door.

When Lincoln opened it he was surprised to find Clyde in a black suit and holding a bunch of flowers.

At first Lincoln was furious; how could his best friend just take this crisis as a chance to hook up with his sister?

"I don't think Lori is going to be interested in taking applications for a new boyfriend for awhile Clyde."

"No, dude you got me all wrong! I'm just here to offer my sincere condolences."

Lincoln didn't look convinced but allowed his friend to continue.

"You know I like Lori, your whole family knows I like Lori, heck even Lori knows that I like Lori! But no one knows _why_ I love Lori!"

"Because you think her smile is proof that the best things in life are free?" Luan joked.

"Well yes…but it goes beyond smiles and looks…she's so wonderful and smart and curious and hard-working and caring and…" Clyde went on for several minutes before finally being cut off.

"Alright Clyde we get it! But why are you here right now, knowing she's hurting?"

Clyde took a deep breath, "because she's a good friend over everything else…I just want to try to be a good friend to her."

Lincoln couldn't deny his friend that and finally let him in.

"How's she holding up?" Clyde asked as he sat on the floor in front of the couch.

"She's trying so hard to be tough that we know she's heading for a no holds barge breakdown…we are just trying to prep for that," Lynn Jr. explained.

"Do they know why he did it?" Clyde managed to ask, like the rest of the Loud family he was full of various emotions towards the complicated situation.

"We may never know the full story…at least not in this life," Lincoln whispered as he held in all the information from earlier today. It wasn't that he didn't trust Clyde, but that was a conversation that needed to happen between he and Lori first.

At that moment Lori came downstairs with a huge garbage bag, followed by a pleading Rita.

"Hun…I can't imagine what you're feeling right now, but baby this isn't the answer."

"I'm just getting rid of some useless junk I no longer need, this house is cluttered enough as it is," Lori said as she continued on her mission.

She stopped in her tracks upon noticing Clyde.

"OMGoodness Clyde I am like so happy to see you!" she exclaimed.

Clyde's eyebrow raised, "you are?"

Lori knelt down and hugged him dramatically, "of course I am! You are such a great guy, so wonderful and attentive…much better than old what'shisname!"

Everyone in the room gasped, hearing her refer to Bobby…her boo boo bear as what'shisname.

Lincoln didn't know much about the grieving process, but he was tired of Lori pretending like the guy who had been her entire life for over a year was now nothing.

"Bobby, Lori…you mean Bobby," Lincoln stated.

Lynn Sr. put a hand over his son's mouth, terrified how Lori would react.

Lori winced and recoiled back for a moment before stating in as calm a voice as she could manage.

"I really don't want to hear that name right now…or ever again."


	8. Pour Into Me

"Lori Lou…sweetheart, you can't just forget Bobby existed," Lynn Sr. said gently.

"I concur with father, it is scientifically impossible to inflict amnesia on such an influential part of your life, though perhaps with the right ray gun-" Luan put a hand over Lisa's mouth.

"Well I'm going to try! He clearly wasn't thinking about me when he…" Lori's eyes began to fill with tears, but she pushed them down.

"The point is, the sooner I can forget about him the sooner I can move on with MY life!" she said as she placed the bag in the trashcan.

"Lori…that's not how grief works…" Lincoln tried explaining.

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT GRIEF LINCOLN! WE COULDN'T EVEN TELL YOU WHEN YOUR GOLDFISH DIED!"

"You told me that Lord Finnington swam away!" he said looking at his parents with a hurt in his eyes.

"Anyways, that's not the point Lori! The point is that I don't think that you should just-"

It was too late as the door to her bedroom slammed.

The family looked crestfallen at each other.

"We just have to find some way to help her!" Lincoln said desperately.

"She's got to want our help first Lincoln," Rita said placing a loving hand on his shoulder.

Later that night, Lincoln couldn't sleep so he wandered downstairs to get a glass of water. He was surprised to find Leni curled up sleeping on the couch.

"Leni? What are you doing down here? Did you forget which bed was yours again?"

"No…I just figured maybe Lori could sleep a little bit better if she had more space, so I'm going to sleep down here until she's feeling better."

Lincoln sat down on the coffee table, content to talk with his sister one on one for a little while.

"You really are a good sister…to all of us."

"Thanks Lincoln…I try my best to help everyone, but I wish I knew more about how to help Lori."

"You're doing all that you can Leni, right now none of us really know how to help."

"But I _should_ know Lincoln! Lori and I are the oldest, we've been around this family…heck been around each other for so long! I feel like I should know exactly how to make her feel better, but I don't…I'm just clueless."

"No Leni, you're not! Half the time you have more of a clue than anyone in this family," Lincoln encouraged.

Leni forced a half smile, "I just wish she would tell us that she wants help, so we could start getting things back to normal."

"Things may never be totally normal again Leni, and we have to be okay with that."

"Would you think less of me if I said I was mad at Bobby for taking our normal away?"

Lincoln hugged his sister, "never Leni, you'll always be the most caring person that I know."

Leni appeared to think for a moment, "you know, I probably wouldn't be as caring if Lori hadn't cared for me first."

This got Lincoln thinking. He knew that Lori took special pride in being the oldest, and while sometimes she used this power to be bossy, deep down Lincoln knew Lori had poured a little of herself into all of her younger siblings.

Now he and his family just had to figure out how to return the favor.


	9. Teach Us How To Say Goodbye

Tomorrow was Bobby's funeral. The Santiago family had decided that he should be laid to rest here in Royal Woods. It was home to him, and was where he was the Bobby that everyone knew and loved.

The Loud family had originally thought that it would be easier for Lori to know that Bobby was nearby where she could visit him, but first she had to admit to herself that Bobby was dead and about to be buried.

Her family wanted to help her through this more than anything, but the reality was that they had their own complex thoughts on the situation as well.

Lynn Sr.

 _Lori was his baby girl. He had originally put on the protective dad routine for Bobby when he had started dating his oldest daughter, but had quickly realized what a sweet boy Bobby was. He was courteous and caring. He cared for not only Lori, but also his entire family. He was the type of young man Lynn Sr. would have been proud to welcome into his family. Now he had left his Lori hurt and full of questions that he couldn't answer. Even if she recovered, she would never be the same after this. Her heart would never be the same, at least broken hearts could eventually heal, but Bobby had shattered his daughter's heart. The father wanted to muster up some form of sympathy for the boy, but in the man's mind nothing in life could be so bad that could make Bobby forget the way his daughter's eyes would sparkle whenever he was near._

Rita

 _Any relationship drama that Lori or Bobby had typically fell to Rita's shoulder's to solve, though the drama they had was just very typical teenage drama and overall Rita was amazed at how close they were. It reminded her so much of the way her and her husband looked at each other. She knew how rare it was for high school romances to work out, but she really did believe heart and soul that Lori and Bobby would make it. That Rita would help Lori pick out a wedding dress and that she would one day welcome grandchildren with excitement…but now those dreams were over, for her and Lori. Rita was convinced that it was somehow her fault. That somehow she had become so busy with her day-to-day life that she had missed crucial warning signs of Bobby's wellbeing. Rita wondered if she would ever forgive herself._

Leni

 _Lori was probably Leni's best friend, sure she had lots of friends at work and at school, but Lori was the friend that she lived with. They had been inseperable from the time Leni had been born. Even back then Lori was so protective over her "baby sister" and the more siblings that had come into the family the more Lori showed that protective big sister nature, but through it all her and Leni had a bond as the original two. Leni had also become such a nurturer and people pleaser over the years. She prided herself over being the family party-planner and the one who kissed boo boos when Rita wasn't around. That's why it devastated her so much to know there was nothing she could do to cheer up Lori._

Luna

 _Luna felt lucky to have an outlet for all of her emotions. She could just pick up whatever instrument was closest, or the one that she was feeling the most and get all of her complex emotions out through music. That was what Luna loved most about music, it could communicate complex emotions and issues without needing words. The best part was how it could help other people to hear her play. Typically any problem her family was experiencing could be helped by her jamming out, but not this time. There wasn't a note Luna could hit that would make her big sister feel better._

Luan

 _Like Luna, Luan had a habit of using her talent to try to help her family and herself through hard times. She also had a habit of using her talent at inappropriate moments and in inappropriate ways, but it rarely stopped her from trying…this time it did though. She didn't even want to try to make anyone laugh now._

Lynn Jr.

 _Rivaled only by Lucy and maybe Lisa, Lynn Jr. was probably one of most un-sentimental of the bunch. She liked Bobby a lot though, it always reminded her of having another brother. She also knew how much Lori loved him. The situation confused her deeply. She wanted badly to say that Bobby was just a weakling who had taken the easy way out of his troubles, but she couldn't bring herself to think that. It mainly unnerved her to think someone who seemed pretty tough could be taken out by his inner demons._

Lincoln

 _Despite being the middle child Lincoln was protective over all of his sisters. He loved being the man with the plan, but there was no plan that he could use until Lori was ready to accept his help._

Lucy

 _Lucy typically loved things being dark and depressing, but this was next level. Deep down she mainly loved dark things from fiction. This wasn't fiction though, this was real. It was a real down to earth moment for the poor girl._

Lola and Lana

 _Typically the twins were as different as night and day, but in this situation they were identical. They couldn't fully comprehend that Bobby was never ever coming back. The concept of death was something so new to both of them…granted lana had experienced it with a few of her animals, but when it's a person it is a very different thing. What was harder to understand was apparently Bobby had left knowing he could never come back….but he had gone anyways._

Lisa

 _Lisa had the mind of a scientist with the social skills of an infant, This combination was dangerous when dealing with a situation like this. She knew exactly what death and suicide were from a scientific standpoint, but all those big emotions that came from such an event were attacking her from inside like fictional monsters in a closet, and she had no idea how to fight them off._

Lily

 _Lily was a very smart baby, but the poor thing couldn't understand for the life of her. She hated seeing her family so sad. She tried being the cute and happy baby just begging for them to smile. She hoped things would be back to normal soon._


	10. Funeral

"Anyone else think that rain on the day of a funeral is really freaking cliché?" Lynn Jr. quietly commented.

"Shhh not now honey," Rita said gently.

The Santiago's had arranged for a black limo to pick up the large family. The Louds

were practically family, and besides, Vanzilla would have stood out like a sore

thumb.

Unlike the time Lincoln had won that yellow limo, this time, no one was excited to be

riding in one.

Lori hadn't even wanted to come, but her mother and father had coaxed her,

assuring her that it could only help.

They had no idea if they were right or not, but they had to try for the sake of their

daughter.

The church was already packed when the family arrived. The Santiago's gently

flagged them down to sit near the front with them.

Without a word the family made their way through the crowd. When Rita and Lynn

Sr. saw Ms. Santiago, they embraced her like they would never let go. They couldn't

even comprehend burying a child. It was a pain that had no name.

"Hi Lori," Carlino whispered.

Lori looked over at him. "What? No, "Lori my beautiful Gazelle", or "the light in my night

sky", or anything like that?"

"No, I figured it wouldn't be appropriate… I'm sorry for you, truly I am," he said

unable to look her in the eyes.

He didn't need to be physically looking at her for him to feel the anger radiating

from her very soul.

"Sorry for ME!? You literally shouldn't feel sorry for me! There's nothing to feel

sorry for! I'm not the one who made the decision to end my life-" Lori was near

breaking down, but Lynn Sr. pulled her into his arms and protectively buried her

face in his suit before she had the chance to shed a tear.

The service passed by in a blur. There was lot's of praying, and Hector and Luna

preformed a rendition of "Tears in Heaven" that would make Eric Clapton proud.

Lori forced herself to ignore the entire thing. She put herself into a dark void where

she wouldn't have to think about anything… mainly because Bobby would be all that

she could possibly think about. She forced herself to think about nothing but the

darkness (years living with Lucy had helped make this easier). Even then, the

occasional thought of her not liking the dark and how Bobby used to protect her

from it would creep in. She quickly shook these thoughts out, and only focused on

physically making it through the day. She convinced herself if she could ignore the

reality for today, then the rest of her life would be a cakewalk.

Soon, it was time for the burial. Lori followed her family out of the church. She felt

like a robot making motions from one place to another. She could have literally been

anywhere, but she wasn't… she was burying her boo-boo bear.

Before she entered the limo to ride to the funeral, Ronnie Anne ran up to her.

"I'm sorry I didn't give this to you sooner, Lori, but…. Bobby would want you to have

this." she said as she handed an envelope to Lori, avoiding eye contact.

Lori knew what was in the envelope… it was Bobby's final note, but that did leave

her a question.

Ronnie Anne quickly sensed this, and knew what it was about.

"He wrote separate ones for us." she whispered as some stray tears fell.

Lori wanted to comfort the poor little girl, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it.

All the way to the cemetery, Lori fiddled with the envelope. Part of her didn't want to

read it. She was sure it would just be some too little too late ramblings about how it

wasn't Lori's fault and how she should move on with her life.

As if words written on paper could ever convince her.

Angry as she was, she also knew that she couldn't toss the note. This was her last

piece of Bobby. When this was gone, it would really be the end.

They finally arrived at the burial grounds. Lori lingered around as her family headed

up the hill. Lincoln looked back at his sister, but he knew that she had to make this

decision on her own.

She took a deep breath and slowly opened the letter to read it's contents.


	11. Grief

_To My Babe,_

 _I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do. I can't imagine what I'll be putting you through. I know you said you would never hate me…but I have a feeling this will change that. The truth is I hate myself more than you could ever hate me. I hate how I'm not good enough for you. You are smart, beautiful, compassionate, caring and so much more. You deserve a guy whose smart and successful enough to make sure you have everything that you need to be as happy as humanly possible. No one deserves happiness more than you Lori, I know right now happiness must feel so far away. I know that feeling, because it's what I'm feeling right now. I know that behind all those clouds of sadness there's a rainbow waiting for you to find it. I've searched for it for months now, but it's not coming out for me. It will come for you though Lori, I know it will, because you were my sunshine for all the time we dated and hey rainbows can't come without sunshine right? Please don't blame yourself for this, it was my battle, and I lost it. It wasn't your fault and there was nothing you could have done to stop it. Know that I never stopped loving you even up to my final breathe and that whatever the heck awaits us on the other side of death I'm loving you from there too._

 _Always yours,_

 _Bobby (Boo Boo Bear)_

Lori's hands were shaking as she held the note. It was finally crashing in on her that not only was Bobby dead, but he was dead over something that should have been prevented… _she should have prevented it._

She should have talked about what was going on with him more, should have asked how he was doing, about his new city friends. She should have listened instead of always talking…now she would never have the chance

With no real coherent thoughts in her brain she rushed up the hill and pushed past the other mourners to fling herself at the casket.

"BOBBY! OH BOBBY! PLEASE WAKE UP! I'LL DO ANYTHING! I'LL LISTEN MORE! I'LL HELP YOU! I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, JUST PLEASE COME BACK! PLEASE!" Lori pleaded desperately.

Rita and Lynn Sr. wrapped their eldest daughter up in their arms as the grief finally hit her like a freight train.

Her siblings looked at her sadly, knowing there was nothing any of them could do at the moment, despite wanting to do anything to help their big sister.

"She's reached the point of bargaining, she'll be through the five stages of grief in no time," Lisa whispered, hoping to provide her siblings with a dose of optimism.

"I don't think it's gonna be that clear cut Lisa," Leni muttered back. This situation had actually turned the airheaded blonde surprisingly mature and deep.

"Yeah…it's just gonna take time," Luna added.

"I don't think any of us are going to ever be able to laugh at this situation," Luan said.

"We won't cause this isn't something to laugh at…it's ruined not only Lori's life, but Ronnie Anne's…his mother and the rest of his family…"

"Not to mention almost all of Royal Woods…" Lynn Jr. said as she noticed the crowd full of people from all walks of life and all ages who had in one way or another been impacted by the tragedy of Bobby Santiago.

"Will you guys promise me you won't ever do anything dumb like this? I-I still don't know why he did this, but…I don't know what I would do if I ever lost any of you guys!" Lola confessed as tears started building up in her eyes and her mascara began to run.

The Loud siblings could only respond by nodding and pulling into one of their famous group hugs.


	12. The First Step

Lori remained weeping by the newly planted grave long after the mourners had left. Now all that were left was the Loud and Santiago family, and even they had to get back to the city. The sun had already set and it was pitch-black in the graveyard. In normal circumstances Lori would have been terrified to be in such a creepy place after dark, but she didn't even noticed. All of her make-up had run down her face and she was a soaking wet and shivering lump, but she didn't care. She wasn't leaving Bobby.

Suddenly poor Lily began to cough from the cold.

Lynn Sr. and Rita exchanged a glance and Rita gently gathered the remaining children up and they headed back to the awaiting car with Lynn agreeing to stay with Lori and grab a taxi home when she was ready.

Lincoln stared up the hill at his poor big sister, he wanted so badly to help her, but he felt totally helpless. He vowed to try to think of a plan to help her, but he doubted that even he had the planning skills to help her.

Lynn Sr. sat beside his daughter for a long time, rubbing her back and trying his best to soothe her sobs. There was so much he wanted to tell his daughter; he wanted to tell her that it would be alright, and that the hurt would go away one day, but he knew that neither of them were true. He and his wife had told plenty of lies to their children over the years; there were the typical ones that all parents told, like Santa, the tooth fairy, and the Easter bunny. There were also lies that were unique to their family, like the true fate of Lincoln's aforementioned goldfish and the real reason they had gotten kicked out of that hotel.

He couldn't lie to Lori about something like love though. It was something that he and his wife were too well versed in, and something that meant the world to them as a family. At times a family this big could be overwhelming and stressful. It required huge sacrifices from all the members of the family from time-to-time, and those sacrifices would be significantly more difficult if they didn't love each other. It was the glue that held the giant puzzle that was their family together.

"This isn't okay…." Lori whimpered.

"I know sweetheart, but I'm here and we can just not be okay together," Lynn Sr. assured.

"Why would he do this to me? Didn't he know how much I loved him? Didn't he love me back?"

"Of course he did pumpkin, he-his mind was sick, just like some people get cancer and some people get heart issues, some people get issues in their mind…and just like with physical sickness, sometimes the mental sickness just wins." Deep down the father was still struggling to process and believe the explanation he had just given his daughter. He knew it was scientifically accurate and that it was true, but it did little to soothe his own anger towards the boy, and he knew that it was doing the same thing for his daughter.

"Will I ever get over this?" she asked, finally looking her dad in his eyes. He could see the redness from the non-stop crying. He wanted more than anything to say something that would make her feel better, but he knew that his answer wouldn't do that.

"No…" he whispered, which caused her to cry harder.

He gently pulled her into his arms and rocked her back and forth, "but it will get easier, little by little, day by day, that wound that's so tender right now will begin to heal. You'll laugh again, and show that beautiful smile again, and one day…you'll even find love again…"  
"I WILL NEVER LOVE ANYONE LIKE I LOVED BOBBY!" Lori demanded.

"Of course you won't, but you will love again, in other ways. It's not something that can be helped, us human's have a miraculous ability to love throughout our lives."

Lori didn't seem convinced, but after a few moments she did try taking the very first step.

"I wanna go home daddy,"

Lynn Sr. stood and offered his hand to her, she took it, but her legs still shook like Jell-O.

Without a word the father took his daughter into his arms and carried her.

"I love you dad," Lori whispered as she snuggled into his chest.

Lynn Sr. just kissed her forehead.

It was the first step on a very long road to recovery.


End file.
